SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Anyone think this will give would be traitors cause to pause after these two torched there personal and professional lives after being so epically outed?

[This message edited by DobleTraicion at 11:09 PM, Friday, July 18th]

I just commented in another thread that as this unfolds on a global scale I hope this gives all cheaters pause and many pull their heads out of their asses.

The sad reality, is it will also make just as many be more "careful".

I'm not convinced anything can truly stop cheating. Or even cause pause. So many cases where cheaters know that infidelity is a deal breaker, deeply wish to stay married yet still cheat. My reasoning stems from a thought experiment I conducted for a l post I was working on a while back.

I began by exploring the idea of reconciliation and its potential impact on infidelity. The core question was: Does the very existence of reconciliation offer hope to potential cheaters that they might "get away with it," or conversely, would a world without reconciliation lead to a reduction in cheating?

Imagine a world where reconciliation after infidelity is simply impossible. Discovery of cheating automatically and irrevocably leads to the end of the relationship. In such a scenario, I pondered whether the absolute certainty of a breakup would significantly deter people from cheating. Would the increased risk be enough to make them think twice before crossing that line?

My research, however, led me to a rather sobering conclusion: the death penalty, even with its ultimate consequence, doesn't appear to have a marked effect on reducing murder rates. If the fear of losing one's life isn't enough to prevent some individuals from committing murder, it suggests a fundamental truth about human behavior: for some, the anticipation of consequences, no matter how severe, simply doesn't outweigh the immediate impulse or desire to engage in harmful acts.

This leads me to believe that, much like with murder, people who are inclined to cheat often don't fully consider or are not deterred by the potential consequences. They may believe they won't get caught, or the immediate gratification outweighs any future repercussions. Therefore, while we might wish for a example like this to have some sort of positive societal effect, it's unlikely any single strategy or societal construct will ever truly stop acts like cheating. Hell many societies put Cheaters to death and it still occurs.

[This message edited by DRSOOLERS at 7:23 PM, Friday, July 18th]

Glad they got caught, but what a nightmare for their spouses and kids.
People really don’t think about the consequences and extreme collateral damage of affairs.
Really sad.

(That said, the clever people on the internet have been having a field day with this…. the memes have been excellent!)

I have tremendous empathy for the betrayed spouses and children for the staggering public revelation of the treason....talk about a Dday.

This does give rise to the truth about the society in which we live...cameras and phones are everywhere. I will say the hubris of this pda in the midst of thousands of people with phones and cameras is pretty stunning. Probably facilitated with liberal libations.

DrSoolers; When the Dopamine, PEA, Vasopressin, and Oxytocin are all activated with Epinephrine in the brain, flooding the pleasure centers the Cerebral Cortex just surrenders as inhibitions and any thought of consequences fly out the window. Over my.adult life as I head towards 81, I admit I have experienced this overwhelming compulsive urge several times to connect with women who.showed every sign of being mutually.attracted. I had allowed myself to become too close to women whom I knew on a purely business or social basis.Fortunately for me, and my.marriage, I realized just in time what boundaries I had blithely crossed and made an exit with as.much dignity as remained. My point is that the Neuro biological urge is extremely strong, especially in our early reproductive years.This not an apologia for cheaters. but it.must be.noted that even the death penalty, often enacted in the.most brutal fashion, fails to deter people from succumbing to adulterous urges.

Nah-

Most people who are cheating or pursuing cheating have tunnel vision and believe they are more clever than that.

Or, it can have this effect on "happily married people".

The happily married person will say to themselves

"Those poor cheaters. They are only cheating because the BS is not meeting the cheater's needs at home"

"My spouse will never cheat because I give them plenty of sex, keep a neat and orderly house and don't nag"..

My xFWH and I worked together when we started dating. We were both single, but didn’t want our relationship to be gossip in the work place. We were mid 20’s, but both growing our careers.

We had a day off together and decided to go bowling. I managed a strike and jumped into his arms laughing, hugging, and kissing to celebrate. We turn around and to our surprise is a much older/very cool coworker. She LOL, winked and never said a word.

I say all the above…. you take the risk to go out in public you need to be prepared to pay the price.

I’m a VP of HR for 20+ years and disgusted beyond belief by their behaviors. Professionally and personally. I was not yet in HR when I started dating my ex, I never crossed that line of integrity and always counseled my direct reports to the same expectations.

Dr. Soolers, a lot of research on the brain areas that are thought to control behavior demonstrated that even in children, some individuals will trade all future gain for immediate gratification, some will try to resist for the pay off, but give up when temptation is continuously presented to them, and only the ones who have a higher level of activity in their brain areas that deal with anticipation of future consequences will hold out for that big pay off later - in Marraige the pay off would be a happy marriage.

The passions seem disconnected from the higher functioning aspects of humanity. Just an observation and many kinds of explanations are offered, like childhood adverse events stunting brain connectivity, yada yada yada. Character is outdated as an explanation.

Head of HR and CEO cheating together. Wonder if she wrote and he approved employee conduct handbook.

Not much leadership or integrity in that duck and hide.

How long before the statement about the ‘mistake’ and asking for privacy in the name of their families???

Where was the care for your families when you had the hubris and entitlement to snuggle up in public?

My heart goes out to their families….

I wonder if they’ll be let go, but I’d be surprised if they are. The cynic in me can’t help to write a script where the investigation will go on long enough for the hype to die down and then they’ll make an announcement holiday or busy news cycle that no action was taken…

@Superesse

I was with you until:

Character is outdated as an explanation.

It's entirely fair to describe someones character within the context of having the capacity to delay gratification. Even whilst accepting the points you've made in your post.

Irrespective of the neurological, environmental or neurochemical reasons for this.

Theoretically anger issues can be the product of several of the same factors you've outlined and I would define ones temperament as a core characteristic of their character.

[This message edited by DRSOOLERS at 7:43 AM, Saturday, July 19th]

Dr. Soolers, I forgot to use a sarcasm tag...I didn't mean that last sentence as literal truth whatsoever, but just a tongue-in-cheek attempt to contrast the scientific "neurological" explanations of late with more traditional views on the subject. We're in agreement.

[This message edited by Superesse at 12:05 PM, Saturday, July 19th]

It won’t stop anybody unfortunately. There is always risk of downfall and exposure, and they do it anyway. My husband could have lost his job and destroyed any chance of getting rehired due to a sexual harassment charge, but he carried on with two more women at work (nothing physical with any of them, but enough to be a problem). They’re often not thinking about or considering consequences.