SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Deep breath in, out slow.

My(m50) STBX(f45) is aware of this site, but I'm pretty confident she won't show her face around here.

The wayward side would 2x4 her into oblivion.

A quick summary...

After 28.5 years of marriage, 4 adult children, and 1 grandchild, my wife abruptly left after an argument and went to our daughters home and cut all contact except for cryptic texts about stalkers and being monitored.

A month later she agrees to talk to me, but insists it happens at our home, her phone is being monitored and someone is stalking her. She confesses to rampant cheating with members of both sexes, throughout our marriage, one on Facebook live about 5 year ago (it has since been deleted, I did not see or know of it till this point).

I kicked her out. My children were made aware, they turned their backs.

She cut all contact, again, and reconnected with horrible and dysfunctional group of poeple I had made her cut ties with back in 2014. One of them convicted for trying to hire a hitman to kill someone (it was an undercover detective) and he did 5 years in prision where he contracted genital herpes and 8 years supervised release. This was a big reason for me to demand she cut ties with them.

She then rebounds with the convicted felon, moved hundreds of miles away with these people, smeared me on social media and seems content with the world.

During all of this and cleaning up the mess she left behind to go find herself, I have learned she has a warrant for dui, no papers (she lost them in the dui crash) a suspended license, no capacity to gain employment, no money, no phone just an internet tablet, and no car of her own, living in a house with five other adults including the convict boyfriend with little to no income and no jobs between them.

Why do people put so much on facebook?

Our children and myself, knowing her history, believe this was a manic break or a bpd break.

Its been 71 days since the first time she left for a month, 45 days since she confessed and I knicked her out. 2 weeks of no contact.

There is so much more but I still have trouble organizing thoughts.

How was your summer?

Edited for grammar and spelling.

[This message edited by alsdaboss at 3:49 AM, Wednesday, August 26th]

Bipolar disorder is a terrible disease. My daughter’s neighbor would get off her meds and catch a plane. Her family would not know where she was. Sometimes the mania was somewhat subdued but she would wander the neighbor visiting, only her conversations were often OFF.

You have to protect yourself emotionally. If it means no contact then you need to accept that. She sounds extremely mentally ill and a spouse should not even attempt to fix her, because you can’t. Does she have a dr that monitors her?

I have no suggestions except to get yourself some therapy and find a support group of spouses like you.

Thank you for responding.

She is untreated.

She is cluster b, but so many times I've tried to get her to get help, it always ends in a fight or she goes, decides she dosent like the person and won't go back.

Where we live, a person has to threaten to hurt themselves or someone else for a 5150, she has done neither.

So she is mostly free to destroy herself and our family and all we can do is watch.

We are waiting for the crash, the extinction burst should be any day now. Then we may be able to get her some help.

I cant get my wife back, too much damage, but maybe we can get the kids their mom back.

Looking back i see so much that I missed. Wasn't looking for it. Didn't know what I was looking for.

Now in hindsight,there are so many clues and red flags, I just missed em.

Im trying to organize my thoughts to put together a better timeline of events, but we have so much history, theres just so much.

[This message edited by alsdaboss at 3:56 PM, Wednesday, August 26th]

Hi, welcome to SI. Please don't share this site with your wife, this is your safe space.

I think Cooley is absolutely correct. Your wife has serious mental health issues.

I can relate bc we have a DIL who has serious issues, our family has been on an emotional roller coaster for about a year, it has been a living hell, the trauma is real, she was hospitalized twice, her behavior affected every member of our family, your children might need therapy to deal with a mother who has gone off the deep end.

I suggest you also find a good therapist to navigate her infidelity/lunacy. She has to want to help herself. Please don't enable her behavior, my best advice is to ignore her.

Thank you for responding.

She knows of this site. We took advantage of its offerings a few years back when I caught her in an emotional affair( that has since been revealed to have been very physical) and while I found it therapeutic, she hated it and demanded i stop visiting.

Its been a few years, im hoping she forgot about us here.

I do have a couple of therapists and our children are doing what is best for themselves.

When they found out about the rampant cheating they started distancing from her.

We have all cut her off on the condition she checks herself into a hospital in our area. No money, no shelter, no provisions untill we see her in the hospital.

The biggest problem right now is the enabling friend and husband, and the convict boyfriend. All three are supporting her and enabling her self destructive behavior.

They are prolonging this without knowing. Perhaps they do know.

And she is not being very secretive, that's the part that hurts the most.

She is telling the world how happy she is now as she smears me on social media.

I had to watch this all unfold, first in front of my face, and now from an isolated distance.

It has been brutal.

[This message edited by alsdaboss at 4:16 PM, Wednesday, August 26th]

Sorry for the summer from hell.

Do your best to make STBXW your exW formally and as soon as possible. Being still married to you, she can still cause you significant economic harm. Retain a family attorney and file for divorce.

It is up to her to repair her relationships with her children. Only she can do it.

It is up to her to repair her relationships with her children. Only she can do it.

This is a profound thought.

I cant fix everything, but I'm still trying to.

I forgot about this lesson until I read this.

I needed that, thank you.

And sorry, I still dont know how to use the quote function.